Why Do I feel so Uneased? A Mom’s Honest Reflection

(Not my imagehttps://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.uQl2jnF3Nuo4Lt2hg6JodwHaE9?)rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain

They say it takes two years to get back to yourself after having a baby, but as someone who is approaching year 3 of my last child it has not seem to get better. Maybe I am saying this wrong, upon further reflection how do you get back to yourself after having a child. The person you used to be is no longer sustainable. At least that was the case for me, I was a chef-a-holic (work a holic) I loved working 80-hour weeks and partying lots of partying.

(me at 20 before kids and yes terrible duck lips)

Maybe I am still in the trenches of learning to care for two tiny humans, one boy one girl, one rough, one sensitive, and so on. The thought was having a second child would give them a friend, but these kids are like oil and water so cute and so good but what!? The heck happened here. While navigating their relationship and mine with them, I am trying to run and maintain a homestead/ farm where I do own my own small business farmstead (loosely because I have no time to give it my full attention). I am also in school for holistic nutrition to tie it all together and I still feel unwell inside.

(My Ferals)

I love the things I do farming, gardening, and tending to children and animals. I love learning and being in school (could I have maybe been self-taught yes but not with discipline). Since I have been having children, I have learned sourdough, soapmaking, candle making, gardening, crocheting and so much more.

(Our attempted egg candles this spring)

What is the problem here, why do I feel so unkept so uneased. I think the problem that lies here is what I do for me? Has everything just become expected of me so I keep adding task after task to my life to try to fulfill some empty meaning or thoughts that people may have about me. Why do I even care? At the end of the night, it’s not them that are here. Though shalt not judge others for you have not walked in their shoes or all that mumbo jumbo that is indeed true.

(My purple bachelor’s button 2025)
So, what makes me happy? What made me happy before having kids? What changed other than having kids? What will make me happy or even feel a little accomplished. What about the fact that I am in a holistic nutrition program and overweight. I have trauma just like everyone else, is that what’s preventing my happiness, not being able to lose weight and live happily and skinny once and for all. (Upon reviewing this I wanted to take out skinny, but I left it because I believe this is an important conversation to come back to).

(me and my ferals)

If I can’t be real here, where can I be. Most people probably won’t even read this far into the blog post so bravo to you for making it this far! Maybe you are trying to “get your pink back” maybe you believe you can help me, don’t be shy we are better together.

This is more of a promise to myself that November 1,2025 (my daughters 3rd birthday) I will be happier in what ever way it needs to be. How do I start where do I start. What makes you/ me happy?

(2024 garden harvest)

If you have read this far and are trying to get undepressed whether you’re a mom a pet mom a dog mom or just someone who need some help, please feel free to reach out comment and share your story.